1. LOVE vs. FEAR. Each moment, each challenge, each person is an opportunity to discover more about ourselves and the world around us.
2. ACCEPTANCE vs. RESISTANCE. Accept what has happened instead of resisting the situation. Ask yourself: What can I learn from this?How can I make this better?Focus on the positive rather than on the negative.
3. FORGIVENESS vs. UNFORGIVENESS.It’s not healthy to hold on to anger. Forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself. “Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.” Buddha
4. TRUST vs. DOUBT.Beliefs become self-fulfilling prophecies, and because of this, we need to make sure to treat everybody with love, dignity and respect. These are the great men that Mark Twain was talking about: “Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.”Mark Twain
5. MEANING vs. AMBITION. Understand that “Doing what you love is the cornerstone of having abundance in your life” like Wayne Dyer puts it, and care more about living a life full of meaning rather than, what in our modern society we would call, living a successful life.
6. PRAISING vs. CRITICIZING.Don’t criticize the absence of the behavior you want to reinforce, but rather, every time the behavior is present, even if it’s not that often, know that by praising the person and the behavior, they will actually reinforce the positive behavior.
When a parent wants to make sure that his 7 years old boy will learn to always put the toys back in the box after he’s done playing with them, he will make sure not to focus on the many times the child won’t do it, criticizing him and his behavior, but rather, every time the little boy does put the toys back, the parent will praise him and his behavior and that is exactly how he will reinforce the positive behavior, and in the end getting the wanted results.
7. CHALLENGES vs. PROBLEMS.See PROBLEMS as CHALLENGES, as opportunities to explore new ways of doing things, expressing gratitude for them, and understanding this will make us grow.
8.SELFLESSNESS vs. SELFISHNESS. Do what you do not for yourself, but for the good of others, making sure that you bring meaning, empowerment and happiness in the lives of many.
9. ABUNDANCE vs. LACK/POVERTY.They have an abundant mindset living a balanced life.
10. DREAMING BIG vs. BEING REALISTIC.Love and dare to dream big; always listen to your heart and intuition.
11. KINDNESS vs. CRUELTY.Be kind to yourself and others; understand the power of self love, self forgiveness and self acceptance.
12. GRATITUDE vs. INGRATITUDE. Express gratitude for the simple gifts life bestows upon us instead of complaining about all that we don’t have.
13. PRESENCE/ ENGAGEMENT vs. DISENGAGEMENT. Live in the present moment, appreciating what you have and where you are, while still having big dreams about the future.
14. POSITIVITY vs. NEGATIVITY.Self-explanatory.
15. TAKING RESPONSIBILITY vs.BLAMING.Take full ownership over your lives and rarely use excuses. The moment you choose to blame outside forces, you are in fact giving all your power away.
Found this on the internet. History is so fun and interesting!
A HISTORY LESSON, VERY INTERESTING! READ IT ALL..
They used to use urine to tan animal skins, so families used to all pee in a pot & then once a day it was taken & sold to the tannery…….if you had to do this to survive you were “Piss Poor”
But worse than that were the really poor folk who couldn’t even afford to buy a pot……they “didn’t have a pot to piss in” & were the lowest of the low
The next time you are washing your hands and complain because the water temperature isn’t just how you like it, think about how things used to be. Here are some facts about the 1500s:
Most people got married in June because they took their yearly bath in May, and they still smelled pretty good by June.. However, since they were starting to smell… Brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odour. Hence the custom today of carrying a bouquet when getting Married.
Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water. The man of the house had the privilege of the nice clean water, then all the other sons and men, then the women and finally the children. Last of all the babies. By then the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it.. Hence the saying, “Don’t throw the baby out with the Bath water!”
Houses had thatched roofs-thick straw-piled high, with no wood underneath. It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the cats and other small animals (mice, bugs) lived in the roof. When it rained it became slippery and sometimes the animals would slip and fall off the roof… Hence the saying “It’s raining cats and dogs.”
There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house. This posed a real problem in the bedroom where bugs and other droppings could mess up your nice clean bed. Hence, a bed with big posts and a sheet hung over the top afforded some protection. That’s how canopy beds came into existence.
The floor was dirt. Only the wealthy had something other than dirt. Hence the saying, “Dirt poor.” The wealthy had slate floors that would get slippery in the winter when wet, so they spread thresh (straw) on floor to help keep their footing. As the winter wore on, they added more thresh until, when you opened the door, it would all start slipping outside. A piece of wood was placed in the entrance-way. Hence: a thresh hold.
In those old days, they cooked in the kitchen with a big kettle that always hung over the fire.. Every day they lit the fire and added things to the pot. They ate mostly vegetables and did not get much meat. They would eat the stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold overnight and then start over the next day. Sometimes stew had food in it that had been there for quite a while. Hence the rhyme: Peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the pot nine days old. Sometimes they could obtain pork, which made them feel quite special. When visitors came over, they would hang up their bacon to show off. It was a sign of wealth that a man could, “bring home the bacon.” They would cut off a little to share with guests and would all sit around and chew the fat.
Those with money had plates made of pewter. Food with high acid content caused some of the lead to leach onto the food, causing lead poisoning death. This happened most often with tomatoes, so for the next 400 years or so, tomatoes were considered poisonous.
Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or the upper crust.
Lead cups were used to drink ale or whisky. The combination would Sometimes knock the imbibers out for a couple of days. Someone walking along the road would take them for dead and prepare them for burial.. They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the family would gather around and eat and drink and wait and see if they would wake up. Hence the custom of holding a wake.
England is old and small and the local folks started running out of places to bury people. So they would dig up coffins and would take the bones to a bone-house, and reuse the grave. When reopening these coffins, 1 out of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks on the inside and they realized they had been burying people alive… So they would tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, lead it through the coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell. Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night (the graveyard shift.) to listen for the bell; thus, someone could be, saved by the bell or was considered a dead ringer.
And that’s the truth….Now, whoever said History was boring was crazy.
Once I was lost. I was so afraid. My blood pounded in my chest and I knew my heart’s strength would soon be exhausted. I saved myself without thinking. I grasped the two syllables closest to me and replaced my heartbeat with your name.
Sometimes your nearness takes my breathe away; all the things I want to say find no voice.
Then, in silence, I only hope that my eyes will speak my heart.
Have you watched Cinderella Man? If you have not, you should. It isn’t just a movie about boxing, a visceral portrayal of the Great Depression, or a man’s triumph over mitigating circumstances; it has to be one of the greatest love stories to ever grace the big screen.
* * * * *
Oftentimes, relationships can resemble fast food: they’re cheap yet filling; they give immediate satisfaction but have long-term side effects; they’re bad for you but you choose it anyway; convenience overrides any desire to go the distance to find something more worthwhile.
So in a fast-moving world with a fast-paced lifestyle where here and now is much preferred to later, how do we know if Love is really Love? If it’s just as easy to get out of as it is to get into it, how will we know if we’ve really found this seemingly elusive concept called Love?
And then there are those individuals who desperately want to find Love, and will will themselves to believe they have found it, only to realize later it wasn’t really what they’d thought it was. What about those individuals who, after a night of deceit and misappropriated lust, go back to their significant others as if nothing had happened?
Over the years, it seems to me that saying I love you has lost it’s meaning in so many ways: some utter these words only to find that once the relationship is over, they no longer feel this way. What they’d believed was once true and heartfelt isn’t any longer, and they justify the change of heart with a laundry list of reasons why the relationship couldn’t work out. Playing the blame game seems to be so much more convenient than admitting to themselves that maybe love, in this relationship, wasn’t what they had thought it could be. That maybe they had made the wrong decision of picking someone who wasn’t worthy of their heart and time. That maybe the consumption of “fast love” had left them feeling shameful and guilty. It’s always easier to blame the cause than the enabler, after all.
Cheating, divorce, desperation, petty break-ups, and lies cheapen that which is absolutely invaluable in my book: pure, unadulterated, can’t-live-without-you type of love. Nowadays, it seems so many are willing to exchange vows, only to rescind their promises once the storm hits. Instead of fighting to keep their relationship afloat, instead of withstanding the torrent and weathering the conditions, it seems more appealing to look for sunny days elsewhere.
Love doesn’t have a 7-day forecast. It doesn’t warn you so you can make your quiet escape to the tropical islands nor is it accommodating enough to provide an umbrella for the rain. It’s not about having to weather through these conditions; it’s really about how you handle this situation and how you’ll deal with the possibility that you may come out of it just a little damaged. How will you prepare yourself for next time?
Love isn’t always convenient or easy; Love can be angry, passionate, heated, and it can very well step on toes. It can affirm you or leave you feeling defeated, but that’s what’s so appealing about it: it stirs our emotional gears and makes us feel ALIVE.
Unlike fast food, love should be that divine 9-course meal at that five-star restaurant everyone raves about: every course starting from the appetizer would tantalize us to savor each bite and anticipate what is to come next. Love, much like each course, should get better with time — not make us feel shameful and guilty for having experienced it.
* * * * *
The two main characters of this movie, James and Mae Braddock, exemplify what I believe is true love.
Mae represents the kind of woman I hope to be for my partner. Through thick and thin, through sickness and in health, for better and for worse - she is her husband’s guiding light. She is the torch that’s always kept aflame should he flounder in the darkness. She is the motivating force behind his ideals, ideals which are realized through her unconditional love and faith in him. She meets his defeated ego with a hug each and every time, and carries through on her vows and promises to stay and persevere no matter how hard things may get.
Regardless of circumstance or outcome, he will always remain a champion who has won her heart, and in the end, all worldly desires melt away and blur into insignificance for nothing moves her core the way her love for him does. And no other way of loving him would be good enough for him.
A self-respecting woman will provide this kind of love for her man, and will give this valuable gift to the right kind of man. And it is this kind of woman who will be more than worthy enough to land a champion who will fight to keep her heart.
I really, really do not understand what it is exactly that Obama supporters are considering when they back our President. The fact that he’s our first part Black president? He’s young and hip? He has good intentions?
Let us consider a few things, though.
First, we wanted to get ourselves out of war in 2008. Then in 2011, we figured we can forgive Obama for the UNCONSTITUTIONAL war in Libya that he did not get congressional approval for. And now, he sends a memo out stating the drone war and the killing of individuals without due process is permissible so long as we can assume they pose a threat.
AND Obama is not willing to cut federal spending despite the fact that America is SO in debt, it’s laughable.
Really? We are supposed to respect and support a leader who doesn’t have the foresight to keep his power in check? At some point, we must look at the decisions our president himself is making instead of pointing the finger at the “right-wing bullies” and Congress.
I am still so fucking sad that Ron Paul couldn’t be elected as President. Years from now, when America is royally fucked, people will look back to read about Ron Paul and realize this old man knew what the hell he was talking about. Until then, we can live under the disillusionment that we DO live in a democracy and we have the rights granted to us by the Constitution.
Oh wait — those rights are slowly but surely being taken away from us. The second amendment? We don’t have the right to arm ourselves against those who are armed? Our fundamental right to protect ourselves is being stripped because there may be those among us who *may* go bat-shit crazy?
Do the people not sense an abuse of executive power here? Americans have gone from promoting peace to conveniently ignoring more killings. We are turning a blind eye to America slowly turning into a socialist country. We are refusing to believe that we have a President who seems like a pro-peace, democratic chap but he doesn’t know that his actions speak otherwise. We are sitting here expecting our country to protect us when they don’t have the capacity or desire to.
I really wish people will do some research and make an informed decision rather than stay with the status quo or believe something based on what is convenient for themselves.
Forgiveness is a choice, not something that is beyond our control. It’s not something that will come with time or something we only give out once we feel the other person has suffered enough for their wrongdoings. We can idly wait for this feeling to wiggle itself into our hearts, or we can actively choose to set aside grievances and work towards understanding one another. From there we can make the rational decision whether it is the right choice to keep that person in our lives and to what capacity.
I’d warn them it would take some time to warm me, that I wasn’t their run-of-the-mill, wide-eyed sappy type who believed in fairy tale endings. Their reactions were always the same: they’d chuckle and assure me they are different.
Chuckle? How dare they fleer at my sincere warning?
“Do you want recommendations from past girlfriends?” they’d ask, promising all tongues would point towards their virtuous, well-governed selves. The Realist in me would scoff at such lofty conjectures, while the Idealist hoped these assertions would be proven true. Eventually, I’d give my heart enough allowance to pay off any lingering doubt.
And in such like allusions and amorous conceits, we would become suddenly smit with the same hasty and inconsiderate passion for each other, which they had conceived for me. Here was a prodigious birth of desire, affections settling where prior considerations would induce me chiefly to abandon.
However, with the test of time, one by one they’d fall. And alongside them, so would the shattered remnants of my idealism.
… he arrived, the moon of past nights sick and pale in comparison to the lustre of the sun. Given my penchant for bedding poor judgment, I gave him harsh denials at first; I needed to be standoffish and affect a coyness or indifference, that he may not think I were to be won so easily.
But there wasn’t any room in my case for such denials or puttings off, or any of the customary acts of delay and protracted courtship. There was something different about him; he wasn’t like anyone I had ever met before.
So with an honest frankness, which the novelty of such a situation excused, I confirmed the truth. I alerted he should not impute my easy yielding to levity or an unworthy mind. I went on to say I had not been abed the past few nights, that some distemper of novel affection had kept me awake against my will. And though I had revealed more words than my mouth could hold, though I had exposed more feelings than what my heart could account for, I solemnly vowed to myself that I would prove to him more true than many whose prudence may have been dissembling, and modesty, artificially cunning. He took to my honesty quite nicely, and assured me he didn’t expect any less.
Thirty in age, sixteen at heart. Just when I had thought cynicism had barnacled my stance on Love, he happened to my life and made me believe in the concept of fairy tale endings.
Hi. My name is Anastasia K., and I am an iBooks addict.
You know, it really started innocently enough. When I first bought my iPad this year, I didn’t pay any mind to the iBooks app. as I absolutely, positively LOVE the feeling of a good book in my hands. I love its smell, the feel of its sturdy spine against my fingers, and the tattered, scribbled pages I leave behind once I am finished with it.
So how dare this app. stare back at me, so entitled with its pages spread, assuming I’d use it? It didn’t even deserve the once-over that I had initially given it, but I gave it one last disdainful look (followed by a nose fart), and put the little, wasted space of square nothingness far away in a box, ON THE OTHER PAGE, so I wouldn’t have to look at it. *nose up in the air*
Then one day, I had some time to kill before going back to work, and I was not in the mood to check Facebook or Twitter. I know. I didn’t even feel like checking my email. I had my iPad with me that day so I decided to look through my many apps., and saw the iBooks app. tucked away in the corner. Fine, I relented. I had already had my fill of depressing world news that morning, so I figured I’d read a little something on the side to stave off boredom.
I started looking up some of my favorite political theory books, and before I knew it, I had a smathering of iBooks all over my virtual shelf. There I sat, with the works of Hobbes, Kant, Nietzsche, Marx, Aristotle, Hesse, Locke, Machiavelli, Paine, Thoreau, and Plato in the palm of my hands. As silly as this may sound, it felt great to have their collective brilliance laid out in one place, as if they were on display at a masterpiece buffet. However, my voracious, literary appetite couldn’t be sated. I knew I had to have more.
Thereafter, I continued to download all other free iBooks I deemed worthy. And then one fateful day, I made my first, actual purchase.
A “girly” book.
I wanted to read something fun on my plane ride to London so I downloaded Something Blue at the behest of a friend who swore on her stubby “big” toe that it was worthy of purchase.
The $9.99 I paid was actually a pretty good investment as I enjoyed the book. I don’t know why I had been so against girly books; who was I to think those books were beneath me? I am such a pretentious asshole sometimes. (I still refuse to read Twilight. Judge me all you want.)
After reading Something Blue, I went ahead and bought its sister book, Something Borrowed. (Whatever, so I read the books in backwards order. I enjoyed them anyway.)
From that point on, I made weekly visits to the “Top Charts” to see if there were other books I could purchase or download; soon, I found myself downloading close to ten books a week. I was downloading and purchasing more books than my little eyes could read. Oh brother.
Now, I have amassed a collection of nearly 100 books, and I have only read … eh, maybe 10? But. I. Cannot. Stop. Downloading. More.
I need to stop. This is what’s tough about being an adult; you put your bank information into the App Store, and Apple ends up OWNING you. At least if you’re a kid, you have a gift card with a limit or something. Since I know the funds are readily available to be spent at the tap of my greedy, little fingers, I don’t hesitate to tap again and again. And again.
I need an intervention, folks. I need a friend to slap me across the face, and tell me to go tupperware shopping instead. (I need tupperware.)
Good news is I haven’t purchased a book in over a week now. Okay, actually, I lied - I bought one yesterday but it was really cheap. That doesn’t count, does it? Ugh, see? I’ve reduced myself to lying to cover up my addiction. I’ve gone off the deep end, folks.
I am going to go on a 30-day iBooks cleanse. Hopefully, by then, I’ll have either 1) read all of the books I have purchased thus far so I am justified in purchasing more; or 2) gotten over my addiction, and can now have a healthy, normal relationship with the App Store once again.
I have great willpower, this I know. I will not fail.
(Darn it, while I was finishing up this entry, I downloaded another book. It’s like my fingers have a mind of their own. Ugh.)
Okay, after I click “Create Post” — I will stick to my resolve. Ready…
Anthony Weiner certainly isn’t the first politico, let alone human being, who has gotten caught acting inappropriately (with another) while in a relationship. While we all scrutinize Weiner for doing something that is so utterly stupid, especially while in the position he is in (husband and rising Democratic star), let’s get to the real issue here: he’s not alone. There is an innumerable number of individuals out there who have acted purely out of lust, impulse, and stupidity — whether they have gotten caught or not. Is there a lack of foresight? Maybe. Lack of tact? Sure. Lack of character? Oh, most definitely.
While so many of us look to date someone who is kind, attractive, funny, or simply someone of great academic, financial, and maybe even social stature, there aren’t too many of us who will really look at the core of a person’s person to see if all of that is backed by good moral character. I can attest to this as I was often blinded by the superficial in the past. And, I admit it’s actually hard to focus on character while you’re in a relationship because hey, if this person is great to you and to those you love, everything should be dandy, right? Wrong.
I once dated a man who was kind to me, sure, but treated everyone else like the gum under his shoe. He’d bark at waiters for bringing things late, and snap at customer service reps for not understanding what he was saying. He wasn’t just someone who was grumpy from time to time; he felt people he did not like or love did not deserve the goodness in him. The thing is, it didn’t matter if he treated me like a princess; the fact remained that this man was a man of convenience. He was nice to a person if that person served a purpose in his life in some way. Anyone can be good if it’s convenient for him/her. He was not the kind of man I wanted in my life. (Some would call this a defense mechanism but to me, it doesn’t matter what you call it. It is what it is.)
(This doesn’t mean I think everyone should be saints. I understand people have their bad days, and just because they happen to say, snap at someone in the moment, it doesn’t make them a bad person. However, I’m talking about a person’s overall outlook on how he/she treats those who do not serve a purpose in his/her life.)
It is of little importance to me if a person loves me or adores me at the moment. If he/she has this type of mentality, I will most likely keep my distance. Why? What if something were to go wrong in our friendship or relationship? I can pretty much look forward to facing the same fate of those who were treated like beef jerky in their wake. I’d much rather surround myself with individuals who believe in treating everyone with kindness because that shows grace.
When I first started talking to my boyfriend (during our *dating stage*), he told me that he will never cheat on his partner. Well, of course everyone says that — who would outright say they are the cheating type? However, what did stand out about what he had to say was the reasoning behind his statement. He said that humans are going to face temptation. We’ll see it around us, and sometimes, it’ll even approach us. However, he stated that he had pride in his self as a person to not be *that* guy who succumbs to these temptations. Not only would he not want to hurt the person he loves but also, he would not want to disappoint himself. (Okay so he said it more eloquently but I’m tired from 3 hours of sleep okay!) He expects so much more from himself - to be a good, honorable person who won’t trade his dignity for momentary pleasure.
For me, this is much more solid than simply stating, “I won’t cheat on you because I love you” because more often than not, many people admit to cheating because they had either fallen out of love, or because they felt they were not getting what they needed out of their relationship. These are such cop-out responses, and it really makes me want to punch these people in the face. Just take accountability for your actions. You could’ve dealt with it in a better way but you chose not to.
Anyway, I completely agree with my boyfriend. I, for one, have enough pride in myself to never let that happen. I believe I should act positively based on my own standards for being, rather than based on the exterior circumstances. Loving my partner and not wanting to hurt him is a given; the unspoken rule as to why I won’t ever cheat is written in my blood and it reverberates with every beat of my heart. I was raised by a grandmother who showed grace even to those who were undeserving, and a father who never said one bad thing about others, no matter how much they screwed him over. I’m not as nice as I’ve said things about people I am not fond of; however, you’ll never see me be mean to anyone.
I know this whole entry is disjointed. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I wish to devote my life to finding good, genuine individuals who will grace me with their compassion because I have a long way to go and I wish to learn from them.
I think I’m better at picking out individuals who are more self-serving, and have learned to keep my distance from them. I will always be kind to them, and will hang out with them should they ask, but if given a choice, I’d much rather be around more positive individuals. People who don’t dole out their kindness in rations based upon who they think deserves it.
(End note: if you’re reading this and have cheated in your past [or you’re doing so presently], I’m sorry if this offends you in any way. I don’t judge my friends based on the decisions they make in their own lives, and I’m not trying to proselytize. These are just my thoughts on the matter at hand.)
You know, I think it really comes down to this: when I am in a relationship and I feel the person isn’t *really* there, I may question whether they’re in it for the long haul or not. This questioning, this curiosity has gotten me into some trouble because the guy thinks it’s me not being able to handle this … distance. It’s not so much that I need them to spend all of their time with me but they think it’s exactly that. In my current relationship, I lean way more on the non-needy side than anything else. Sure I will miss my BF and want to see him and talk to him but if I can’t or I don’t, it’s OKAY. While he’s in London, if I don’t hear from him, it’s FINE. I don’t need to claw my way into his schedule nor do I need to be a part of his activities all of the time. I try to give him a lot of space because I, too, like my space. I encourage him to go out with his friends because I, too, like to go out with my friends. I don’t like to invite myself along to his events nor do I expect every spare moment of his to be mine. I think it’s just about being two individuals, together. But girlfriends will often encourage me to be more needy. To want more. They say it’s okay for me to want his time, and that I deserve it. Well, silly, of course I know that. But I don’t think I have to be needy to have a good relationship with my BF. He knows I want him in my life - I don’t have to crowd his space to prove that. D definitely let’s me know and shows me that he is in it for the long haul. I have that assurance with him that I’ve never had with anyone else. He (as well as our relationship dynamic) gives me enough confidence to know in my bones we’re in the right place, and all of that neediness isn’t necessarily. I think people who are too needy just aren’t very comfortable with where they are in their relationship. I try my best to show D that I am fully here for him so he won’t have to feel that way either. So I disagree that I need to be needy in my relationship with D. Sure I can learn to be a bit dependent from time to time so I can assure my BF of his manliness and physical prowess ;) but other than that, I’m fine with giving him his space. I think my friends need to worry about their own relationships. :p
At age 12, I hoped I’d marry my first love. It wouldn’t matter if we didn’t have money or if circumstances tried to drive us apart. I hoped we’d be able to work through it all and be thankful we had one another. He would propose with a ring pop, and we would marry in Vegas - it didn’t matter how it all happened as long as it did. Love would conquer all.
At age 16, I hoped I’d meet a rich Prince Charming by serendipitous chance (because it’s more romantic that way) and that we’d have a picture perfect wedding (with a carriage, doves dressed in tuxedos, and swans in gowns). I hoped for three kids who were to not only be brilliant but gorgeous with shining personalities, and we’d raise them in a huge mansion in Bel Air.
At age 21, I hoped I’d meet the _right_ man who’d have great ambition and intelligence. Oh, and a smokin’ body. He wouldn’t have to be rich or have a great personality but he’d need to have a Masters, at the very least. He’d need to treat me with respect and make me feel loved. I hoped we’d have a big wedding at a tropical location, and that I’d be able to wear a bride-tailored bikini and flip flops to my reception. I hoped we’d have smart, thoughtful children who would be easy on the eyes. We’d raise them in a nice home in Orange County, and settle there until the end of our days.
At age 25, I hoped to meet a man who isn’t a playboy, a cheat, a liar, a gambler, or a sports fanatic. I hoped he’d treat me well, and that he could commit. I hoped if we became serious enough, we’d bear intelligent children who we’d teach to think for themselves, ones who’d have a good moral foundation to lay their ambitions on. It wouldn’t matter where we lived so long as we were comfortable, warm, and together.
At age 29 (soon to be 30), I realize that having hope is wonderful but it’s really the little things that matter in the end. It doesn’t matter if I have a grand production of a marriage at an exotic location or if we honeymoon in paradise. It doesn’t matter if my kids are good-looking or if they’re champion cellists (who can kick ass in chess). I realize my wants are so simple now, and I don’t know if it’s because I’ve become more realistic with experience (some would call that jaded) or if I’ve become more mature with age (some would call that desperate). Sure I still want all of these things but if I don’t get them, it’s okay. I just don’t need them to validate my success in life and love. They’re just nice extras.
In the end, I just want to marry my best friend, have practical expectations for our marriage, and keep the romance and passion alive well into our retirement. I want healthy children above all else, and for us to take measures to maintain our own health. I want for us to have a home we can make many memories in, even if it isn’t a nice one near the beach.
It’s funny how after so many years of living and experiencing, my expectations and desires in love and relationships aren’t so different from those expectations I had when I was just 12. It seems life has come full circle for me, in that even after all of the negative experiences I’ve had with love and relationships in the past, I continue to hold on to the dreams I used to have as a child. And you know, no matter how silly this sounds to others, I won’t give these dreams up because I have every intention of making them into my reality.
I’m opinionated. I’m verbose. I’m blunt. I’m assertive, not aggressive. I like my space — no, I need my space. I follow my heart 30% of the time and my head 70%. I can be callous, dismissive, and judgmental. I uphold rigid political beliefs (socially liberal, fiscally conservative - aka Libertarian). As I get older, I find myself reaching for logic and reason more so than reaching for emotional profundity or philosophical depths. Sometimes, I’m too trusting. I can be a pretentious, preachy, self-righteous asshole (to those I’m not particularly fond of). I can be anal about organization. I have very low tolerance for ignorant people as well as the weak. I can be vulgar. I am insatiable in some aspects. I am a work-nazi; you would never want me to be your boss, ever. It’s not so much that I’m mean — I’m just big on work ethics. I don’t have a problem cutting you off mid-argument if I feel your points don’t sufficiently cover at least the basic structure of what a good argument should uphold. I’m not very good at keeping in touch, but I try. I blindly extend myself to those undeserving.